July 2, 2008

Fixing what ain't broke


A few weeks ago I got a curious package in the mail. It was addressed to me as an employee of Zap2it, it was kind of heavy and it came from a return address I didn't recognize.

Intrigued, I opened the box. Inside were three cans of Mountain Dew -- or I guess I should say "Mountain Dew." They're three new flavors, which go by the names of Voltage, Supernova and Revolution, and I'm supposed to vote on which one is my favorite, so it can take up permanent residence in the soda aisle.

Except I'm not.

Because, honestly, why do we need yet more flavors of Mountain Dew? Why mess with what's just about the perfect soft drink? I've come to accept Code Red, although my first time drinking it was my last. There's a Taco Bell-only flavor and something called Livewire too, but whatever.

Seriously, I don't really get why, when you have a highly caffeinated, indefinably citrusy and bright yellow bit of sugar-water perfection already, you'd want to dilute the brand. Especially with something that A) has a completely nonsensical name ('cause nothing says thirst-quenching like electric shock, stellar explosion and violent uprising); B) contains ginseng (It's pop, fer crissakes. Are sugar and caffeine not enough); and C) has a 2-in-3 chance of being blue.

In case you're interested, though, a few tasting notes:

Voltage: "Raspberry citrus flavor," pale blue in color like diluted Windex. Smells like a blue raspberry Slush Puppie and tastes something like it too, with a little bit of a Fun Dip note thrown in. Left a lingering scent in my cup, even after rinsing out.

Revolution: "Wild berry fruit flavor," also blue but with a slight hint of purple color. Fruity in an innocuous and undistinguishable sort of way.

Supernova: "Strawberry melon flavor," sort of pale purple. The least overbearingly sweet of the three. I didn't struggle to finish the can. If I had to choose one of the three, this would probably be it.

Really, though, none of them is really all that good. Save your voting for the important stuff.

(Also posted at Big Action!)

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